The Weighted Scale

"We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each others happiness, not by each other's misery" Charlie Chaplin

Finding balance on the scale we call life can sometimes be quite a challenge. Knowing when you have said or done to much. Or when you have not done or chased after what you want hard enough. Knowing that you gave all you can give to help another be their best or when enough is enough to protect yourself. These are some of the challenges. And challenges are what shapes us for our tomorrows. Which is all part of finding your happy balance allowing the scale to just be ever so steady. I believe that part of knowing or believing that your wants and needs are just as important as the next person is all part of getting to this point. I think that for some of us we don't value ourselves like we do others and this can cause a lot of unwarranted pain. We must believe that we are just as worthy of true happiness as we believe for another. Someone once asked me "would you expect another to do for you what you would do for them?" and my answer was, NO.  All stemming from previous abuse and learning that I was not worthy early in life. That was me before. Today I know that I am just as worthy as the next person to have a balanced scale. I to deserve to be happy and that its ok to ask for my wants and needs to be fulfilled. I know today that a healthy relationship not just man and woman but friendships as well, encourages the seeking of wider mental and spiritual horizons and is never threatened by them. Rather helps you reach your full potential.

 When the scale gets tipped in one direction weighing you down can sometimes allow fear to creep in and run its course on your life. It is learning to find that happy balance that can sometimes cause fear or anxiety. If we refuse to tolerate a certain amount of anxiety, we will stay in our same old ruts. Safe? Maybe, but stagnant non the less. And maybe not so safe after all, since the opposite of growth is death. We take a chance, a risk, and that requires courage. I love when Charlie Chaplin says "Failure is unimportant. For it takes a lot of courage to make a fool of yourself". Meaning that if we are so paralyzed by our fear of failing we will never take risks. Therefor never knowing what might of been.

Every day is a chance for a new experience. We can not do anything about yesterday's disappointments. We can however build on today's opportunities. However, wherever and whomever we choose to help is unimportant. There are those in need everywhere. But when we figure out how to sincerely help other people, we'll have also learned how to be happy for a lifetime. Thus coming after we have learned how to make ourselves genuinely happy can we share this with others. I like to tell people I am a work in progress and that it also takes a village to show another how to be a better person not just to raise our children.

As always please keep all our men and woman of the military in your prayers for a safe return to their loved ones as they are off protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless








H

Be kind Be courteous

As I sit down to write this my heart is breaking for those families in Newtown, Conn. who are living this horrible nightmare. May God bless you and give you strength to get through this. Please know the world is going through this with you, embracing you from near and far and sending you love and support so that you may be comforted in time of great sorrow. God Bless.

It is because of this yet again great tragedy that the world is up in arms as to what should take place now. This is another senseless killing spree and questions are flying. Who is to blame for this? Should it be the gun companies for making the guns? Should there be tougher gun laws? Should it be the insurance companies for making it so hard for people to get the proper medical treatment so badly needed? Should it be the parents for ignoring what was right in front of them the whole time? Funny how our world blames the person them self (driver) when it comes to a drunk driving death. You don't hear our nation start screaming "Sue the car companies, make it harder to buy a car..."  Why is it that our nation is so quick when something like this happens for the need to find someone or something to blame it on?  In no way will this make what happened hurt any less or bring back any of the lives lost.

Please don't think that I am down playing what happened by any means, that is NOT what I am doing here!! What I'm trying to get across; is right now our nation is mourning the loss of 20 innocent people both big and small. I have a very hard time watching or hearing about it, because it breaks my heart as I'm sure it does most of America. Does that mean that I care any less? Absolutely not!! Does it mean that I don't want to do something to help? Again, absolutely not!! Am I scared for my daughter who is just going to turn 6 on Christmas day? HELL YES!! I ask myself "what can I do to keep us safe?" NOTHING!! Life is uncertain. No one is promised tonight, tomorrow or the next day. We can not live in fear. We must not focus on the problem. What we need to do is focus on a solution. Stop pointing the finger and placing blame, rather help one another find a peace with this tragedy so that the families can grief and try to move on.

Honestly and this is just my opinion but the ones to blame is ourselves. Somewhere along the lines our world has lost family values. Be kind and courteous to one another. Do good show love. Treat others as you want to be treated. Very simple yet very important. For kicks and giggles I looked up the real definition of courteous and the meaning states very plain and simple; marked by respect for and consideration of others. Really people?! This is what I'm talking about. Our world has lost that respect for one another as human beings and I believe that we are our own worst enemies right now. We are self destructing our own country and then needing to blame others for the happenings around us. This is something I started preaching to my daughter from the time she was very little "you don't have to like that other person but you will treat them with respect and until the show you otherwise you will be courteous to them."

Being courteous does not take much effort folks. Holding a door for someone. Stopping in the parking lot to let someone cross in the rain because your nice and dry in your car. Offering to take the grocery cart back inside. If you know of an elderly person or someone who's laid up for whatever reason that could use some help, offer. On your way to work stop and let someone out that may be running late or having a horrible start to their day. Remember that we don't always know what others are going through and could be the reason they act the way they do. Does not mean we have to feed in to the negativity of the situation. I have to catch myself all the time from this. Stop and ask "Are you ok? Is this a bad time? Is there something I can do to help?" Chances are the answer will be NO, but that person will know that you were courteous enough to ask/offer.  A positive attitude may not change the facts or situation but it can however ease the stress and anxiety of what someone is going through. That someone could very well be you. Wouldn't it feel good to know that someone was kind enough to make the simple gesture of simply offering help/support?!

As always please keep all men and woman of the military in your prayers for a safe and speedy return to their loved ones as they are off protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. Please also include everyone effected by this horrible tragedy so that they may find some kind of peace and strength to move on.  God Bless

Desires of the Heart

The old saying "go after what you want in life" does not come with the warnings of the aftermath. And can sometimes be bittersweet when we get what we want or thought we wanted. We must be very careful when chasing the desires of the heart whether it be materialistic, physical or emotional things. Sometimes the desires of the heart once received are bittersweet and often times can cause emotional pain for not only yourself but others as well. The very things we think we desire or long for in our lives may not always be as sweet as we had conjured up in our minds leaving us bitter or resentful.

I for one have to take a step back and evaluate why and what it is I'm chasing after. The materialistic things are not as important to me as the physical and emotional. As I have had it all and lost it. I have to ask "how important is it?", "is it attainable?", "is it available?" and  "is it realistic?".  Once I can honestly answer those questions I will then find my answer as to whether I should continue on that path or find another to travel down.  See folks life is a journey and we ultimately are responsible for how bumpy or smooth our journey can be. Meaning if we know that something is unhealthy for us and we choose to do it anyhow hence the type of ride that path is going to give us. If we can teach ourselves how to go with the flow and not be held back by the fear of the unknown or making the wrong decision then that ride will be much smoother with less complications. Trust me I am struggling with this right now in my own life. There are things that my heart desires that I know are just NOT possible because of life situations. There are things before me that I am letting fear control my decisions, causing me to be paralyzed for a moment holding me back. One of my favorite sayings is "Change happens when the fear of where your going, is less then the pain of where your at". My problem is that right now I'm not in pain, just in fear! Fear of getting hurt again, fear of trusting again, fear of getting what I think I want and it not being what I thought it would be. I know this to shall pass if I just get out of my own way.

I try to live my life with no regrets along with pure and sometimes brutal honesty. I to often make mistakes, but its only a mistake when we don't learn from our actions. For every action has a consequence good or bad.  When I talk to others I tell them don't make a decision unless your head, heart and gut line up. If one of those is out of alignment then you must stop and re-evaluate the desire until they line up. I for one have to ask myself, is this a want or a need?  Is this for selfish reasons? And are there any red flags telling me not to move forward with my choice. You MUST get a strong, honest,caring and very loving support system of good people to assist with your journey. I am VERY VERY VERY blessed to have that and forever grateful for the people that god has put in my life to help me make better more wiser decisions. People that care enough to help me see what I can't at that moment in time. People that love me enough to tell me "stop being so hard on yourself Jen" and love me the whole way through it.

I also believe that no matter how old or young you are we can ALWAYS be taught something in life. Life is full of teachable moments if we allow ourselves to open our minds to being receptive to the life lessons that are forever at our reach. As I say this to all of you I am telling myself this as well. Don't be afraid of what life has to offer, for life is to short to live with regrets or could of's should of's. Live every day as if its going to be your last.

As always please keep all the men and woman of our military in your prayers for a safe return home one day. As they are off protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS we have here at home. Please also help me in covering all that are sick or having trying times in life right now in prayer as well. So they may know a peace and calm while being supported with strength from a stranger as well as a loved one. God Bless

Do it anyway!!!

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

http://youtu.be/QZjTBW-raGw

"You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway"

Thats what I'm doing here. My dream is to inspire others right along side of myself. And I hope that is what I'm accomplishing. You all encourage me in more ways than you may realize.

May your dreams be bigger than your fear of going after them.

Finding Happiness

Do you ever get frustrated because your not where you want to be or where you think you should be in life? I know I do. Then I have to remind myself that I am right where I'm supposed to be at this moment in time, for what ever reason. I have to also remind myself to be grateful for what I do have not be sad for what I don't have. Try to make it a habit of saying "Not Yet". This helps to keep you focused on the right now in this moment. Barbara DeAngelis writes in her book "forget about being happy later, happiness right here and right now is all there really is." She also goes on to say "if you can't be happy now with what you have and who you are, you will not be happy when you get what you think you want."  This is so true. I believe the reason being is that there will always be something bigger or better that you think will make you happy. It's kind of like eating something you think your craving and then when you eat it say "nope that did not hit the spot" and then you try something else. Make sense?

Sometimes we all need a little help from time to time working through our panic, anxiety and fear. Find someone to talk to who will not pass judgement on your mistakes you have made along the way. Someone that will support serenity, rather than feed your anxiety. Someone that will help you find a solution not aid in focusing on the problem. Someone that can listen as well as they talk. Practicing serenity is a learned behavior and an art. With a little help anyone can achieve it. It is when we get stuck on the problem that we than fall into the "poor me" phase and that is not a healthy place to be. They say that it takes a village to raise children. I say it takes a village to make a better world for our children and for us. Be the change you want to see in the world. There is an old saying that goes like this; "if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans for your life."

I have found that true happiness does not always come from materialistic things rather the feeling you get from doing good and showing love to others. Doing it without expectations or whats in it for me thoughts. Step outside of your comfort zone. Go help feed the hungry or volunteer somewhere that you know no one. Donate your old clothing or things you have out grown to someone or some place that could use it. That's right give it away!

The great Dalai Lama who has made a study of finding true happiness puts it this way: "We don't need more money, we don't need greater success or fame, we don't need the perfect body or even the perfect mate - right now, at this very moment, we have a mind, which is all the basic equipment we need to achieve complete happiness."  I challenge all of you along with myself to hit the pause button in our pursuit of happiness long enough to just be happy. Just live in the moment and enjoy what you have and where you are in this moment in time.

Please remember the men and woman of all branches of the military in your prayers for protection from wrong doers as they protect us and all of our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. Keep them safe and healthy until they can return home to their loved ones.

Friendship

When I was a lot younger I remember older people saying to me "towards the end of your life you will be able to count your true friends on one hand." I say WOW then I must be really blessed because I have enough for both hands and maybe even a foot or two. Now I'm not saying that it was easy to get here. I have had quite a few disappointments along the way and some still stings when I think about it. However; there are many valuable lessons in those failed relationships.  See our trials and tribulations are what I like to refer to as "teachable moments". No matter how old we get we can still be taught important lessons in life. It is when we don't learn from these failed relationships/life lessons that we will continue to make the same mistakes. And yes you guessed it folks! You will get the same results you have always gotten. After all; the true definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. We must be open to change.

Now we have all heard to live the good life we must eat right, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep and manage our stress with relaxation, recreation and meditation. But did you know that there are actual scientific studies that show having good friends can lower levels of cortisol a stress hormone by reducing stress, improve self esteem, protect against dementia & reduce risk of depression. Studies have shown that people with a social network of good friends have fewer cardiovascular problems and lower levels of a protein linked to more aggressive types of cancer as well.  Studies have also shown that people with a strong support of friends out live those with a smaller circle by 22%.  See friends/family it is in our DNA to benefit from friendship.

Most of us will never save a life by running into a burning building or jumping in front of a bus to save another, but science now shows us that we can extend some one's life by just being a part of their life. Are you a good friend? Ask yourself these simple 6 little questions and answer them as truthful as you can. I call this a self evaluation.
1) Are you there for the friends in your life? 2) Do you feel comfortable being vulnerable & open with them? 3) Do you ask for what you need from your friends? 4) Do you give them what they need? 5) Do you know the song of a friends heart & what makes them tick? 6) Do they know yours?

The happiness of our friends is infectious and breads a more positive attitude on life. Be the change you want to see in others and in the world. Stop complaining and do something, be the solution not the problem!!

As always please remember to keep all the men and woman of our military covered in prayer for their save return one day soon. As they are off protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS. And any of those that are struggling with something life has thrown their way. God bless.

Reflections

November is often known as gratitude month. As I sit and think about what to put on this page all I can think about is all the things I have to be so very grateful for.  First and foremost, my God & all that he does for me even when I don't think he is working on my behalf. If it were not for my God I would not have all the other things to follow. My beautiful little girl that gives me a reason to get up everyday & try to be the best I can be. Believe me she tries my patience from time to time & just like any other parent I would not trade it for anything in the world. My family that is always there for me no matter what. Family is not always by blood either. I have been blessed in this world to have a fabulous group of people that see my faults & love me anyhow. My job, while it is not always pleasant at least I have one to go to everyday. With so many people going in to this holiday season wondering when they will get that opportunity I am very grateful to have a chair to put my butt in everyday. My health, while it is not perfect it is far more better than most.

I am very grateful for the chance to start my day over whenever I need to & as often as I need through out the day. I am also very grateful for the chances I'm given to re-learn how to do this thing called "life" better.  We all make mistakes & poor choices. Believe me I have made my fair share of mistakes. I look at those as life lessons & try to learn from them moving forward. It is only when we don't try to learn from those mistakes that they are then called "stupid"or "poor" judgement.  Try to be as kind to yourself that you would a good friend/family member going through the same thing.  Show compassion  & empathy towards others as you would wish to have shown towards yourself.

As you sit down with your loved ones this thanksgiving please remember our men and woman of military that wont be able to do the same as they are protecting our Healthy Freedoms.  Please also include all those that are going through trying times in your prayers.

Happy thanksgiving to all of you & your loved ones.

HEROS

I would like to take today and give a special thank for all our men and woman of the military branches & their families for the ultimate sacrifice of protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. A special prayer for those who did not make it so their families may find the strength to carry on without them. And that they may find comfort in knowing their loved ones did not pass in vain & they will ALWAYS be remembered & honored.

We tend to take each other for granted as if we know that we will have another day with the ones that mean the most to us. When in fact if God is knocking on my door I'm pretty sure it will not be to tell me I have more time. We must ALWAYS tell those around us how much they mean to us so when we pass they will never question our love for them. We must ALWAYS show respect to one another. We must ALWAYS remember to dance like no one is watching & play like a child.

Count your blessings not what your missing out on.
Live, Love, Laugh my friends.
Life is to short & none of us are promised tomorrow.

Ask yourself; "what can I do to make tomorrow better for someone else?"

Thank you for the continued support & encouragement. I am a very blessed woman.

Trial and error

Have you ever noticed how the fear of the unknown can have a crippling effect on ones spirit? How it causes us to avoid making decisions because we may or may not get hurt. Or how we fight against the current of going with the flow of this ride called life. All because of our past hurts, mistakes and/or choices. Mistakes are life's way of giving us a do over if you will. It is when we don't learn from those mistakes that we are setting ourselves up to fail. Not all mistakes are of our own doing. However; with that being said, if you get a gut feeling that something is not right & you do it any way that is the part you play in the outcome of the mistake. Mistakes are what makes us who we are in life.

My problem is I tend to read in to things way to deeply because of my past hurts. I over analyze everything that happens in my life both good and bad. As if I will be able to head off a potential heartbreak before it happens. That is not working out for me so far folks. haha  The reality is, I am truly powerless over anything that happens outside of my own doings.

Famous author Eckhart Tolle says "You create a good future by creating a good present." If we are truly living in the right now and focused on being happy or better than we were yesterday than it's impossible to be miserable. Focus only on the positive in the negative at that moment in time and its amazing how the bad does not seem so bad after all. You may even shock yourself at how many positives you will be able to find if you allow yourself to search for them.

It is only when we stop trying that we fail or deny ourselves the right to find out just how the "unknown" turns out for us. Who knows it may be WAY better than we ever could of imagined. We will never know if we don't get ourselves out of the way to find out.

Appreciate your way out of fear. Let go of betrayal, past hurts, guilt, anger and anxiety. Let go of toxic emotions, focus on the Healthy Freedoms. Turn the table on self destruction and kick it's ass!!

Please remember those that are suffering a great loss in the East Coast right now & cover them in prayer as they figure out how to rebuild their lives after hurricane Sandy.