WITHIN...

Often times I have both heard and said; "what if they don't like me?" "what if I'm not good enough?" "what if the things they say about me are true?"...The list of self defeating, mind screwing and confidence busting questions goes on.  There will ALWAYS be people who don't like you. And there will ALWAYS be someone who is better at something than you are. This does not mean that your worth is less another's.  Thus making us uniquely special in our own God given way.  Not in a bad way either.  When I feel like this it is usually because I  am not feeling one or a combination of feelings.  Validation, love, respect, worthy or a sense of being wanted etc.  Sometimes we have to demand these things from people and one of the ways we do this is by allowing our own self to feel all of these very valid and much needed feelings our self.  If we don't believe it, feel it and show it; how can we expect someone else to give it.  This is called self love.  

Self love is about finding your worth and holding on to the value each one of us is meant to have and hold.  Not to say there wont be bumpy patches along the way or things don't seem to be going the way you planned or expected. That's ok also. Feel it, but don't buy into any self doubt that may come from it.  Just like the butterfly...not so pretty things can and will transform into beautiful things. Joy can come from life tests. Ever changing ourselves into much stronger people for having gone through such trials and tribulations.  But only if we allow our minds to remain open to receiving these beautiful things.  Transforming the pain into a new understanding. A new beginning.

I have a friend who has literally been to the pits of hell and back and you could NEVER tell it when talking to her. She always says, "you have 2 choices; rise above the situation and make something good out of it or stay stuck in the situation and be miserable..."  And folks, believe me when I tell you if anyone has a right to be resentful and angry in life, she does!  But she chooses not to and instead uses her horrific life experiences to inspire others along the way.  Showing them how to value life more than the shit we sometimes get drug through.  Personally, she inspires me to keep on keeping on.

Regardless of the frightening experiences of the past, no matter how big or small, we need to believe that other results ARE possible.  And that a new self confidence can be gained if we believe enough in ourselves. The more we trip, the more we must pick ourselves up and move ahead in life with determination. The more determined, the more self assured we are and the more self assured, the more loving we will become.

When looking for your own self worth DONT compare yourself to another. Each of us makes his or her own way through life. We are only responsible for our own actions and how we react to life tests thrown at us.  We learn more from our own experiences (good and bad) than from anything we read in a book or another's story. It is your experience, your journey that you grow from and learn true self love. With that comes the value you place on self worth.

Being willing to change is an act of courage. We are the only ones who can change ourselves. And how we view or love our self. NEVER give up the belief that your journey has a purpose. We are all here for a reason. Your self worth has extreme value and loving yourself is VERY POSSIBLE. Stay true to who you are and place a value on yourself that no one can take away.  

As always please keep the men and woman of all branches of our military, police and fire in your prayers. So they may return home safe, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home.  God Bless.

Happiness... Build it. Own it. Enjoy it.

                                                                5 tips to find happiness...

                                                          1)   Own your own happiness.

                                                          2)  Challenge your own story.
                                                    
                                                          3)  Make relationships count.

                                                          4) Balance work with play.

                                                          5)  Enjoy the journey.

                                           And...NEVER forget to put "ME" on the calendar.



What WAS, IS and WILL be...

All things happen for a reason. I have to continue telling myself this on a daily basis. Reminding me that life happens. And situations arise that are completely out of our control. This is when we must force ourselves to dig deep and find both strength and courage to keep pushing. Never allowing ourselves to wallow in the "poor me" of life or beat ourselves up over mistakes we may have made along the way.

I remember an old boss of mine would teach her people; to act as if there was no one around to ask for help and ask "What should I do?", then find a resolution to the situation at hand. I use this is my personal life on a regular basis. In my experience I have found, when you put your life in the hands of others you then become dependent on them and find that the littlest things upset you easily. Reason being, you have not allowed yourself to feel the true pain of growth. It is when you and only you are forced to find solutions for your life that you tend to have a little tougher skin, a little more confidence in the things you are able to accomplish and more capable to deal with living life on life's terms. Not saying that it's easy, just saying the end result is more rewarding if we try.

A lot of living life on life's terms is as simple as accepting things just the way they are. Acceptance is not always an easy thing and often times takes a lot of tries to accomplish. If you're like me, you do it kicking and screaming the whole way.

When we accept that some of life's situations are completely out of our control, it brings a sense of relief and peacefulness that we so often seek. Allowing us to view each day as a new beginning, offering us regained hope.

As some of you know, Hope is one of my favorite words. Hope for me means that, as long as I don't stop trying to be a better person and do my part to make the world a better place; than tomorrow can and will be just that...BETTER. Hope gives me a drive to not give up. Hope gives me peace of mind. A calming of my spirit when in chaos or an uncontrollable situation. Hope that things in my life will work out and that I and my daughter will be loved and taken care of. And Hope is ALWAYS at my fingertips for the taking if I choose.

By the grace of God or the universe, whatever you choose to believe in; know that Hope is attainable and for keeps. Never lose sight of your dreams or the ones you love. Before you know it we will all be gone from this earth. Treasure what you don't have and enjoy the things you do. For everyday is a blessing not to be taken for granted. Accept what you can and change what you can't. Offer someone down on their luck/self some Hope where they may see none.

I would like to dedicate this to one of my dear friends Sheryl Lacy who lost her fight to cancer and was laid to rest today. She was my rock and my light.  She showed me and many others like me how to hang on to Hope and NEVER give up, by both example and her words. She was the unconditional love that we all long for. RIP my sweet friend. You will be dearly missed.

As Always please keep the men and woman of all branches of our military in your prayers. So they may one day have a safe return home, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless.

Hungry For More

How many times have you been in a room full of people and felt all alone? Or because no one talked to you, felt unwanted? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that made you feel like this? I know I have. Not because the feelings necessarily were fact, but probably the opposite...I internally felt unwanted causing me the feeling of loneliness. Due to always being pushed aside for something or someone else. I'm sure, where the feeling of not being good enough or worth of what everyone else has, had or was receiving came from. Creating the "poverty" Mother Teresa speaks of. Stirring a hunger inside to be liked, loved and wanted. Maybe this is why when in a group of people I make a point to speak to everyone. To let them know their presence is just as important as mine or anyone else in the room.

Some days we might ask ourselves, "is it worth it?", "why do I even bother?". Truth, we can feel alone, even when busy with everyday things. It feels like no one seems to care. Like life is so hard. Or people seem so distant. Even if standing right next to us. That is when we need to slow down and figure out what is going on with us internally, causing us to feel like this. We need to know we matter in this life. We need to realize that in reality, we are each contributing in our own unique way to one another. Our self included.

While we may share many characteristics and similar stories we are in fact each very different in our own way. And ALL bring something to the table that can help another. A gentle hug. A consoling word. Or even just an open ear to listen with. All of which possess a lot of power and contribution. It is said that with the lack of human interaction, whether through touch or conversation can be one of our greatest impediments to emotional intimacy and happiness.

It is when we become arrogant in thinking "I can do it myself" that pushes us deeper into loneliness. Masking a desperate feeling of inadequacy. Always pushing us to prove our worth to others or feeling like we had to. When in the process we trample on and ignore the needs of those around us. Those who want us and others to see their competency and worth as well. Perhaps you know of those who are just as hungry as you for assurance that they are loved and not alone in this life. There is power in a caring touch or kind word. I dare you to try offering a simple hug or ask "how are you?" and mean it. Your touch may accomplish what your words can't. And those are the moments that change and possibly save lives.

Each of us wants to be significant to someone else. And not necessarily in a romantic setting either. The truth of the matter is; we are ALL significant to all the lives we're touching at this moment in time. And the paradox is that we heal ourselves along the way, while offering our attention to another who is, by no mistake or coincidence, on our path.

Change is not easy, but it is absolutely unavoidable. And even worth it from time to time. Doors will close. Pot holes will get in our way. Frustration will mount. But NOTHING stays the same forever; and it's foolish to think otherwise. With growth comes change and determines the outcome resulting from the changed behavior or attitude and if you let it, will enhance your perception of self and the world around us. We WILL move forward in this life. Whether willingly or fighting all the way, it does not stop. Do you want it to be one of growth or being stuck? Only each of us can make that change. Are you ready? I am!!

As always please keep the men and woman of all branches of our military in your prayers. So they may one day have a safe return home, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless.

 

Strong Scars

 

 

How many times has someone asked you, do you have any regrets in life? And what was your response?  I can remember one day driving home with my sister having this very discussion. She had asked me "do you regret anything that you have been through?" and I was very quick to respond "NOT AT ALL".  She said "not even one thing?" I explained to her that all the good and bad I have experienced in my life so far has played a huge part in making me the person I am today. Stronger, more determined, understanding and open to new things. We have two choices in life folks...Let it beat you down or get on and enjoy the ride!! Do not let the least pleasant experiences in your life leave scar's you can't learn to appreciate and grow from.  There is a song by Papa Roach called Scars and in the song he sings..."scars remind us that the past is real..." Whether it's the loss of a loved one(emotionally or physically), a job that slipped through your grasp, a relationship that did not grow the way you had hoped, etc. No matter what situation caused the scarring, remind yourself they may hurt like hell but so worth it in the end. Nothing happens without purpose.

 

Each of us plays a starring role in the drama of our own lives. Sometimes we forget the lines, so we improvise as we go. Refining our character and using our life lessons to shape the action of every scene. Life holds the bad as well as the good. We and ONLY we choose how to act out each scene. Sometimes we feel trapped in a vicious cycle of fearfulness. That is when we need to look within ourselves to see what is causing the emotional fear based blockage, stopping us from moving forward. Anger, anxiety, sadness etc. remember what goes in comes out the same. Meaning what we put in our minds is what will become us.  Example: Negative = Negative and vise versa. Emotions can take a lot out of us. Feeling them, whether it's anger, fear, happiness or sadness, can leave us exhausted and drained. Not feeling them can cause us to be irritable, off balance and edgy. Also causing us to feel exhausted and drained. Be gentle with yourself. Don't discount what your feeling or run from it either. Rather get to the root cause of what your feeling and find a healthy way to deal with it. Start putting in what you want to see come out.

 

Time has a wonderful way of erasing bad feelings and leaving us with good ones. Our memories are selective and fortunately, we choose which one's we allow to rule our lives. We can assist with the selective process of our memories by consciously letting go of the thoughts and feelings that are affiliated with our scar's. Making room for the happier memories to surface.

 

Don't tie yourself to your history, tie yourself to your potential. Remembering along the way that transformation is a state of mind and you need NO ONES permission to do so!! Being a happier, better you is a process. Not a quick fix. It's a journey. Embrace and enjoy it.

 

As always please keep the men and woman of all branches of our military in your prayers. So they may one day have a safe return home, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless.

 

It is what it is. Or is it?

 

 

   "Learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes..."  Pink

How many times have we made a mistake in life and said "it is what it is" ?! I know I have. For me it is a defense mechanism, acting as a pain buffer. To make the pain of a painful situation not hurt so bad. Or the rejection justifiable. In a twisted attempt to make it easier to accept what has happened. I have to remind myself that all things happen for a reason and that it is not always "what it is".  Big or small all things do happen for a reason and serve some significant purpose in our life. Some would argue that is not true. That some things are truly "is what it is" situations. My personal opinion is that perception is key. And all things are perceived differently by each one of us. 

I have been through a lot of painful situations in the course of my life. Failed relationships, a job I really wanted and did not get, loss of loved ones due to death and the list goes on. Today I like to refer to them as "Life Lessons".  Showing me that I can be a better person without being negative about the outcomes. Believe me some day it seemed like the struggles would not end. The pain, the loss, the heartache and disappointments. Often thinking "God give me strength because I am burned out" and did not think I could handle another let down. Looking back I see that I have taken something positive from all I have experienced and now try to make a difference in anothers life by saying "I understand"  and mean it. Our mentality in any situation has a very powerful effect upon our ability to succeed in coming out stronger and not negative.

Is it just coincidence that these things happen to us? Again, open for our own perception of the issue at hand. I personally believe that there is a higher power working in our best interest to teach us valuable lessons. Opening our eyes and guiding us to help achieve our dreams and reach our goals . To become overcomers with a refreshed view of life and to show us a strength we never knew we had in us. So that we may share our experience, strength and hope with another going through a similar situation. So that we can say "I understand" and truly mean it.

Iyanla Vanzant says: "Don't get hung up on the hard times or the challenges. Tell your story by highlighting the victories. Because it's your victories that will inspire, motivate and encourage other people to live their stories in grander ways."

That is my purpose in sharing this blog along with some of my own personal "beautiful mistakes" (experiences) with all of you. Not to come across negative or hung up on the past. Rather to show you that there is NO situation to bad to overcome. My goal is to offer hope and encouragement with a little ray of sunshine at the end of the tunnel.  Thank God life is a "WE" thing and not a "ME" thing.  Put your hand in mine and together we can make it!!

As always please keep the men and woman of all branches of our military in your prayers. So they may one day have a safe return home, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless.

Cherished Love

 

 

 

 

"Happiness is not measured by what you hold in your hand, but by what you hold in your heart." Author unknown

 

So often we take people and life for granted. Saying to ourselves, "I'll do that tomorrow" or "I'll make that call to so and so tomorrow." When we don't even know if we will have a "tomorrow". Or how many times have you said, "oh they know I love them" and not actually told those people you love them. How do you feel when someone tells you they love you? Do you feel like you can take on the world knowing that person loves you?! Do you walk with a little giddy up in your steps?! Do you catch yourself smiling a little more because you know your loved?! Words of love can be very inspirational. They can sometimes encourage us to move in another direction in our lives, set new goals, step outside our comfort zones to try something unfamiliar or just give us a sense of peace knowing we are loved. Both giving love and being loved can soften the sometimes difficult things we have to deal with in life.

 

I have a friend who is suffering from cancer that is spreading through out her body and quickly. The doctors say they don't want to do anymore surgery to remove the tumors, because they are growing to fast. They (doctors) have recently told her there is nothing more that can be done and give her 3/6 months to live. The whole time she is fighting just to stay alive one more day, her concerns are for her children, husband and close friends. She says to me that she is ok with dying and that she is not afraid for the inevitable to happen, she is sad that her kids (grown) and husband have to go through all this. Telling me they have their own lives to live and should not have to be taking care of her. My dear friend is probably the most positive person I have ever met and ALWAYS no matter what she has going on in her life, tries to see the positive outcome in anothers problems. I have been very blessed for the last 20 years to have been part of her life and her of mine. She has made a HUGE impact on the person I have grown to be. She has taught me how to forgive and how to love by showing me with her actions. She has shown me how to laugh at the painful situations that would make another want to cry. She has shown me how to be a good friend. And even in the depths of her illness, she continues to teach me things...strength, determination, acceptance etc.  Ms.Sheryl is and will ALWAYS be my rock. My inspiration. My best friend. Her love and friendship will forever be cherished by myself and many others.

 

We don't have to get caught up in every storm that blows our way or every pain our loved ones go through. We don't have to right every wrong done to others. All we need to do is; "do good show love" as old man Raymond use to say. No storm or pain is ever really to bleak when we share it with an abundance of love to be cherished by both self and others. Offering our love humbles us and cultivates an inner joy/peace. It has been VERY hard for me to accept and see my super strong, positive, active friend fight this battle. And because of that has taken me WAY to long to go see her. But then one day in a conversation with someone, they said to me..."it's for her not you. She needs this." It helped me to realize I had to stop being selfish and go show my friend the same love she would show me if the roles were reversed. Knowing we are loved inspires and invites us to put our best foot forward to do just that; "Pay it forward". Love causes ripples of great and simple acts of goodness in the world and does not cost a thing if you think about it. Each of us can change the course of history today, tomorrow and always just by sharing our love.

 

As always please keep the men and woman of all branches of military in your prayers for their safe return home one day, as they are out there protecting our HEALTHY FREEDOMS here at home. God Bless.